"The Fluorescent lights were on.... THE WHOLE TIME!!"

I just returned from a fun filled, baby and husband free, shopping, party down weekend with my BFF Jessica in Colorado. It was so fun and of course, there were too many laughs to count. Although there is an event from this past weekend that will go down in the history books that I thought I would share with you all.

As per my husbands request, Jessica had mani/pedi's scheduled, a free chemical peel, and a chiropractor that she knows was having a deal on massages so bonus! Nothing better than a cheap massage.

The chiropractor was sure to let us know that there was a one male and one female massage therapist so Jess gave me the option, and I chose the woman as I am getting a little prudish in my old age.

We arrived at the office and were greeted by Dr. Hatch, the chiropractor and the female massage therapist. So Jess said, " Ally will be with you and I will be with the male" and Dr. Hatch replied, "Oh, Jessica you are with me then!"

I had never heard of a chiropractor also being skilled at massage therapy but hey what do I know? I proceeded into my dimly light room and got my mediocre massage. I was thankful that it was not full price. Not the best that I have ever had that is for sure.

As I walked out of my room, the door to Jessica's room opens and it looks as though she had been beat down. Her eye makeup was running down her face and she looked, well glisteny. I figured that he gave her some deep tissue action. or something.

We paid and left.

Once in the car, Jess lets out a scream and this is what followed:
"Get me out of here before I die!!! That was the sickest thing ever!!
I went into the room and there was an old bleached sheet on the table, nothing else. So I asked for another one and he throws a crumpled sheet at me. I thought to myself, you are an adult, this is fine, he has just been busy and they are doing laundry.

I got undressed and got under the sheets and Dr. Hatch comes in and starts massaging me with his chubby little grubby fingers like your boyfriend or husband does when he doesn't really want to. The lights were on, fluorescent lights Al, they were on THE WHOLE TIME!! No music, nothing, all I could hear was his heavy breathing and his shirt cuffs scratching up and down my back. You could cut the tension with a knife, he was more nervous than I was. I was praying that he wouldn't ask me to turn over but he did and proceeded to massage my feet twice, and then, get this, he massaged my FACE for like 10 minutes!! With the lights on... THE WHOLE TIME, blaring right into my eyes. With his chubby fingers. GROSS!!!!"

You can only imagine my horror and laughter, wrapped all into one. For some reason, things like this only happen to Jess and I when we are together. We have hilariously bad luck.

On the bright side of things, we did get the best shoes in the nation and Anastacia eye brow waxing so I guess it was all a wash.

Jess, I love you, but please whatever you do, no more Target!